Topic Tuesday #114 2014/09/23 "I’d Like to Have an Argument, Please.”

Continuing my series on language arts, I’d like to have an argument. This is sometimes a difficult proposition. Most ‘normal’ people do not like arguing, and will actively avoid it. BUT we are in the information age. We no longer have to pay one pound for a five minute argument; we have the INTERNET!

To continue quoting Monty Python

M: An argument isn't just contradiction.

O: Well! it CAN be!

M: No it can't!

M: An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

O: No it isn't!

M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.

O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!

M: Yes but it isn't just saying 'no it isn't'.

O: Yes it is!

M: No it isn't!

O: Yes it is!

M: No it isn't!

O: Yes it is!

M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.

O: It is NOT!

M: It is!

Now, the British are long held as the masters of polite conflict, perhaps only matched by the passive aggressiveness of the Amish and the LDS church. Any session of British Parliament is rife with this style of argumentation. It’s great fun to watch and listen to but it’s absolutely worthless beyond a laugh.

“Argument” is actually only a component of a larger enterprise, that of debate. When confronted with a situation that necessitates verbal pugilism, what you absolutely must keep in mind - is your goal. Are you just being contrary? Then carry on as ham fisted as you like… However… If you want to actually win minds, you need to argue with purpose; that takes skill.
This is where all the things you know about talking to people comes into play. All your skills at listening and communicating are taken to task in a real honest argumentative debate. Imagine the fights you had with your parents or classmates or teachers when you were growing up. All the anger that you had versus their stoic and unmoving obviously wrong opinions. Did you listen to their side? Did the focus of the argument get lost with yelling? Did they even have a side or just slam the proverbial door with “BECAUSE I SAID SO!”? This is the end of an attempted argument; sadly, one that neither side could ever hope to win with logic and reason. 

What does a great argument look like? One that works for all parties?

Some key elements of proper conflict resolution consist of:

• Each side stating their case, preferably calmly, rationally, and respectfully, to parties that actively listen to the elements of the case.
• Further clarification is offered when questions warrant such.
• Analysis of positions is accomplished within the individuals.
• Compromise is offered and countered, and re-countered until…
• An equitable resolution is reached for both parties.

There are some problems with the above idyllic example. There are many times that one side is simply wrong, and they refuse to yield their position. Both sides may be in the wrong and a compromise does not bring either party closer to a best case scenario. Seldom does anything have a completely black or white solution. Get used to the grey area and not always getting your way, but try hard to keep your focus. Many arguments have been lost when the topic was changed out from under you. Some people you can’t reach with respectful arguments and you will either need to use a different tactic, or cut your losses and walk away.

Keep Calm and Carry On.