Topic Tuesday #115 2014/09/30 "How do you say, ‘I'm Sorry’?”                   

Continuing my series on language arts and the art of language, I would like to address a vital component of human communication: the apology.

It has been said it takes a big man to say they're sorry. Misogynistic societal tendencies aside, it really does take an effort to push ego aside and admit to being wrong. This is very much the intersection of simple definitions and the larger implied meaning behind them.

Of course the simple definition is understood by all over the age of 2 (or ought to be). To feel badly about something you did or to have empathy towards the suffering of another.  The complication of the implied meaning is that of a personal failing or weakness; accepting blame. This can be  tall order for just about anyone. I know getting my kids to say they are sorry, and actually mean it, is quite the task. I am enormously proud when they present genuine remorse and feel bad about injury to someone not themselves.

To the matter at hand, it is difficult to bring one to the act of admitting they are sorry/remorseful/at fault/etc.. I have found through the years that simply swallowing my pride and doing it as quickly as possible has the best risk/reward characteristics. You get it over with quickly and then you don't have to let it eat at you until you do admit it. Certainly this is not the case for some, and languishing in guilt does not take nearly the toll it does on me. For those people, perhaps a little forced empathy is a better solution, and getting into the habit of asking yourself, “How would it feel if it were me on the other end?” can be a valuable path to tread.

In the end, sometimes you have to apologize to yourself on behalf of other people. Many will never realize their own offense and will carry on as if nothing has ever happened. In these cases, you owe it to yourself to forgive, as you are the one that will benefit from it the most. Forgiveness, much like funerals, are for the living, and once someone is gone from your life, it will be up to you to say “I’m sorry” even if it only matters to you. You deserve peace, as much as anyone.

To those that I have offended, I implore you to forgive me, as I am not likely to say I’m sorry since it was not my intention to offend. Please forgive my ignorance and allow the ax you bear in your heart to fall to the ground and turn to dust. My father said once upon a time, “Don’t bother with grudges. While you are sulking, the other guy’s out dancing.”