EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 13th, 2017

EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 13th, 2017

Nuclear launch codes and other hotel amenities, Canadian handshakes, grammar for Nazis, and high on a hill was a lonely diplomat – layeeodleayy-ee-hoo. Brace for impact, it’s the Daily Trump Damage Report for February 13th, 2017.

• Mediaite reports a random guest at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort has had his picture taken with the man responsible for carrying the “football” of America’s nuclear launch codes. This is not the Onion, this is not satire.

• Canada’s Prime Minister and former Disney Prince Justin Trudeau demonstrates precisely how to shake Donald Trump’s hand.  In his efforts, he utilizes several strategies Epic Progress has detailed in the guide recently published “How to Shake Trump’s Hand”.  We strongly recommend other world leaders emulate Canada in this regard, or suffer at the tiny hands of Twitler.

• America’s treasury securities, which are considered by the global market as the most solvent and stable financial trust assets available for purchase – so much so as to warrant founding nearly two-thirds of the Earth’s currencies on the US dollar – are being sold off in bulk by international creditors terrified by Trump’s actions.  A sell-off is currently underway and foreign investors are pulling out of U.S. debt.

• The people most responsible for being aware of and acting on threats of national security and foreign policy, the U.S. National Security Council, is reportedly in chaos thanks to Trump’s bumbling mismanagement and appointment of Russian plaything, Michael Flynn. Leaders of ISIS, already grateful for the recruiting opportunities presented by Trump’s “Blessed” Muslim Ban, could be heard purring “Oh, really? You don’t say. Neat.”

• High Priestess of Apate, the ancient Greek personification of deceit and current White House Spokes-shrew Kellyanne Conway assures America and the media that Michael Flynn has the full confidence of Trump, despite all the lies and frequent communication with Russians about lifting sanctions.

• John Oliver hopes to teach Trump what reality is using the power of television. He is dedicating a portion of his show to teaching Trump how to ask things he may not know.

• To be an ambassador in the Trump administration, at most it takes being obsessed with a movie that takes place in the country in which you wish to be appointed.  In the case of hopeful new ambassador to Austria from the US, Patrick Park, he has seen The Sound of Music 75 times. Do, a thing, America had, before we bought a wall. Fa, a long long way to fall. Ti, a party that votes with Donald Trump.

• Trump lies about Bernie Sanders having his mic cut off during an interview with CNN.  Trump casually lies as frequently as normal people use the restroom, and with similar purpose.

• North Korea conducts missile tests in an effort to get a rise from Trump, and determine what Trump’s policy position will be towards the country.  So far, Trump has not made any indication as to how he will fail the international community on this front.

• Trump no good with spellings. He inauguration poster haves major typos. Misspells the word “too”.  Maybe could ask Zillionaire Amway Heiress now in charge of edukayshun if could do learns to write good.

• Bloomberg has put together a list of the 11 likeliest next targets of Trump’s war on international trade. Sneak Preview: In an interesting twist of fate from the last 8 years, it may be worthwhile investing in those apocalypse garden seeds and gold coins after all.

• The New York Times reports in-depth on the subject of how very much Trump’s own party hates him.Though they feel they’ve made a deal with the devil, and they are desperately willing to overlook the horrors and shame he has, is, and will bring down upon them – provided he continues to push their agenda.

EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 12th, 2017

EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 12th, 2017

A new Trumpist emerges, scientists not welcome, 57 lies in 23 days, a spy revolt, Streep, Bern, and Franken on the offensive, and too trashy for Kmart.  This is your Sunday edition of the Daily Trump Damage Report for February 12th, 2017. Buckle up.

• Trump senior policy adviser Steven Miller goes bananas in his debut interview, doubling-down on the lie that massive voter fraud took place, and finally asserting, “The end result of this, though, is that our opponents, the media, and the whole world will soon see, as we begin to take further actions, that the powers of the president to protect our country are very substantial, and will not be questioned.”  From initial reviews, he appears to have been reading directly from a script provided to him.  Based on this verbatim quote, we here at Epic Progress expect a version of the Reichstag fire of Germany in 1933 is in the early planning stages, and recommend you plan accordingly.

• A US born NASA space scientist was stopped at our borders. He is not permitted to enter the United States until he hands border patrol agents his smartphone, and they demand the access pin.  The scientist in question works for Jet Propulsion Laboratories, and the phone in question contains sensitive access information and was provided to him by JPL.  The border agents detained him until he unlocked his phone.  These invasions of privacy and blatant discriminatory practices are par for the course under Trump and the effects of his executive orders governing travel abroad.

• The Star has assembled a breathless run-down on the 57 largest lies of Donald Trump since he took office 23 days ago. This list does expressly does not include lies from administration spokespersons, nominees, or Press gibbons. Each of these lies issued are not matters of opinion, but rather of recorded fact in the reality we exist in concurrently with each other.  They are not assertions of attitude or opinion as in the phrase “I like blue”, but rather statements of falsehood like “Blue is not a color. I’ve heard from a lot of people, and they tell me blue isn’t a color. Blue has never been a color. If you think blue is a color, you are stupid and wrong and believe fake news and the Big Crayola lobby.”

• A subtle spy revolt is taking place against Trump, as the intelligence community of the United States affirms that the White House under Twitler is leaky, deceitful, and infiltrated by Russia – according to The Observer. “There are pervasive concerns that Trump isn’t paying attention to intelligence.”  Which is an urgent problem that could possibly result in a sizable terror attack taking place in America due to lack of concern.

• Meryl Streep once again scathes the orange menace in a sharp rebuke, vowing to fight the “brownshirts and bots” of his regime in a speech to the Human Rights Campaign.

• Senator Bernie Sanders accurately refers to Trump as a pathological liar on Meet the Press, and via Realtime with Bill Maher, Senator Al Franken informs us that Senators of Trump’s own party have serious misgivings about Trump’s mental stability.  Additionally, based on all evidence available, Trump suffers from malignant narcissistic disorder.

• The GOP Obamacare repeal effort which Trump lauded as a major priority, appears to be headed sharply into the toilet, according to Forbes.  As it turns out, annihilating health care insurance coverage for millions of Americans and restoring pre-existing conditions exceptions will passing a massive tax cut for the extraordinarily wealthy may prove more difficult than initially believed.

• According to a recent survey conducted by the American National Election Studies group conducted in January, Trump supporters believe that they are the victims of discrimination against white people and Christians. These precious, sensitive snowflakes have offered to look the other way while imbuing Trump with as much authoritarian power and latitude with the truth as needed in order to avenge their sense of victimhood.

• Private corporations Sears and Kmart have opted to join with Nordstrom and others in dumping Trump-branded merchandise.  This is not unexpected from the only brand in the world that could be associated with a casinos going bankrupt.

• SNL hits it out of the park one more time with Melissa McCarthy returning as Press Monster Sean Spicer and Alec Baldwin taking a court to court in this week’s episode.  Our fingers are crossed in hopes of a Leslie Jordan as Jeff Sessions, Rosie O’Donnell as Steve Bannon, and Christine Baranski as Betsy DeVos.

EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 11th, 2017

EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 11th, 2017

http://www.epicprogress.com/daily-trump-damage-report-2112017/ 

Wall costs like F-35 fighter jets, Congress tweets Twitler in a bid for attention, terror among the civil service, immigrants, and people who just need to use the bathroom. Weekends don’t stop the party in Trumptown. The administration was busy this Saturday, February 11th, 2017.  Here’s your rundown of the horror du’jour.

• Trump will likely be impeached in 2 years, right after mid-terms. Kathleen Parker of the Washington Post lays out the scenario of the pendulum swing, and with things going the way they are now, there will be quite a bit of velocity to it.

• Trump asserts the price of his stupid border wall (which people with ladders or shovels could get around), will come way down once he starts negotiating. “Just like with the F-35 fighter jet” he tweeted, like an idiot who doesn’t know how much the F-35 has cost us might. The F-35 fighter jet has cost the United States of America $1.5 trillion dollars. For context as to how much $1.5 trillion dollars is, you could give every man, woman, and child in the United States $4,687.50. Or, pay off 1/10th of America’s entire public national debt. For the fighter jet the Pentagon didn’t want, and that doesn’t work.

• Congressmen of his own party have taken to attempting to communicate with Trump via Twitter, through “whoever monitors twitter at the WH 4PresTrump”. In other news, the State Department has taken to opening treaty negotiations with the poop emoji.

• The New York Times reports that dread is pervasive in the civil service of the government of the United States under Trump, with many who work in critical departments of our nation fearing for their jobs, their work, and the continuity of the services they provide.

• A Dominican newspaper printed a photo of Alec Baldwin doing his impression of Donald Trump for an article about Trump and Israel.  The SNL Trump is shown scowling with his Russian flag pin prominently affixed to his collar, pictured next to a photo of Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu.

• Anti-immigrant crackdowns are taking place across America due to Trump’s recent executive order expanding categories of immigrants who are now higher priority for roundup and deportation. The families of undocumented workers are huddled in fear, making plans, and trying to figure out how to survive as ICE performs raids in an effort to please Trump. The Statue of Liberty, who previously had cried with silent lips for the wretched refuse of other nations to build up what would become America, could not be reached for comment.

• Today, Rep. Bill Pascrell raised the possibility Epic Progress had alluded to in an earlier Daily Trump Damage Report, of employing a rarely used law to acquire Trump’s tax returns. He has made the request to the chair of the Ways and Means committee, Rep. Kevin Brady of Texas. It is doubtful that Congressman Brady will be surprising us by applying rational thought and acquiring the tax returns for review.

• The Justice Department, now under the guidance of Jeff “Ominous Banjo Music” Sessions, has begun the rollback of equal rights for bathroom usage. Protections allowing transgender students to use the bathroom that matches their gender identity have been removed, resulting in individuals using bathrooms where they clearly do not appear they should be using that bathroom. For some uncertain reason, the Trump administration appears extremely focused on where it is that people should be peeing.

• Rep. Jason Chaffetz, ghoulish Republican congressman who sought to sell our national parks off in bulk last week, said today that he believes the thousands of people who attended his town hall meetings to insist he oppose Trump were brought in by bus from other states and paid to protest. Chaffetz did not give any evidence to support his claim.

• Trump relies upon Gary Cohn, President of Goldman Sachs, to tell him what to do on economic matters. Deregulation in removing all the safety protections put in place after the economic collapse and recession of 2008 figure prominently on his to-do list.

• The White House has issued a denial that it is looking for a replacement for Press Secretary and Melissa McCarthy impersonator, Sean Spicer.  This in spite of media confirmations with White House officials of interviews taking place for the position.

EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 10th, 2017

EpicProgress.com - Damage Report February 10th, 2017

http://www.epicprogress.com/daily-trump-damage-report-2102017/

Russian entanglements, growing impeachment sentiment, falling American standing, bumbled Japanese diplomacy, kowtowing to China, lies, damned lies, and other Trump statements that strain the fabric of reality in today’s Daily Trump Damage Report for January 10th, 2017.

• Trump’s national security adviser and future convicted felon Michael Flynn had said multiple times that he didn’t discuss sanctions with phone calls to the Russians before the inauguration. He told the Vice President this as well, who repeated that Michael Flynn did not discuss the sanctions against Russia on the phone call. It turns out, he did.

• Trump discovers governmenting is harder than running frequently bankrupted businesses. Trump allies assert that he has been surprised that government can’t be run like a business.

• Organized citizens enraged at a lack of holding Trump accountable swarm congress critters at town halls in traditionally conservative strongholds states demanding that they do their job. Massive showings at local congressional offices and public events have risen sharply over the past 24 hours, taking place in Utah, Georgia, and other red states.

• Americans are now evenly divided 46% to 46% on impeaching Trump according to a new poll by PPP. 53% disapprove of him. Horrifyingly, 51% of remaining Trump supporters say the Bowling Green Massacre is justification for Trump’s anti-immigration policy. Note: The Bowling Green Massacre is not a real thing that happened in our timeline.

• Heiress to the Amway pyramid scheme and current Secretary of Education Betsy DeVoss was blocked from entering a school she would prefer to destroy through privatization. She was later soundly mocked on Twitter for not knowing where the pencils are.

• According to Gallup, Americans see our world standing as sharply reduced since the Trump administration began doing what it has been doing, with 57% believing the world now sees America unfavorably.

• Trump capitulates to China in negotiations with President Xi, embracing the One China policy and ignoring a violation of Japanese waters.

• Jared Kushner, son-in-law of the ruling American oligarch Donald Trump, worked with the Mexican ex-foreign minister to soften the language of the his father in law on the subject of the wall. We encourage you to resist the urge to be grateful that a family member of the head of state who is not an elected or appointed official in any capacity is tempering policy outcomes on a geopolitical level.

• The Parliament of the United Kingdom will not permit Trump to address them during his planned visit, because of the things Trump does and says.

• Intelligence agency investigators now corroborate items from the dossier on Trump. The contents of the dossier on Trump include references to video taped experiences between Trump and prostitutes on the Russian intelligence agency payroll during his stays at Russian intelligence-controlled hotels.

• Trump has received very little in the way of critical reporting from the Wall Street Journal, due largely to the influence of owner Rupert Murdoch and the editor-in-chief.  This has precipitated significant discontent from reporters, which is now being made public.

• Russia is considering giving Edward Snowden to Trump as a “gift” to procure favor from him, according to U.S. intelligence sources. This tells us that Snowden did not collaborate with Russian intelligence, and that Russian intelligence trusts Trump enough to voluntarily gift him with a spy.

• Trump repeats the lie about voter fraud again, this time in front of a room full of Senators. Trump, nor the individuals he has referenced as having proof, have ever provided any evidence of voter fraud taking place.

• Trump shook hands with the Japanese Prime Minister. Visually, it was a cringe-inducing thing to observe, as he held the Prime Minister’s hand for 19 seconds while the Prime Minister did his level best to not look as though he were gripping a small, wet Ziploc bag filled with mashed potatoes. After the direct contact had ended, the Prime Minister was unable to resist rolling his eyes in veiled exasperation at the extraordinarily awkward handshake.