Topic Tuesday #170 2015/10/20 "Sanity Dispenser"
Whew... That was weird. I was sitting at my kitchen counter, deleting apps from my phone since it was screwing up really bad, you know like ya do... then I had a moment. It was a fleeting moment but it was a staggering one, sobering even. I was momentarily overcome by the immensity of my life. I felt very small and overwhelmed. The walls came closing in as the hair on the back of my neck prickled and my ears felt hot. My breathing vacillated between holding my breath and nearly gasping hurriedly. I suppose this was the border of a panic attack. I have never had a panic attack before but I have had depression so when something in my personal eco system changes dramatically like this I take notice and analyze the hell out of it. I knew that I still needed to do this weekly post that you are reading now, and it occurred to me that I needed to write about this little glimpse of my own mindset. I went to get a keyboard for my tablet as I'm being weird and avoiding my desktop and laptop for a little while just working mobile (just because, no real reason). While I got the keyboard I saw the bathroom renovation that has been my bane for the last year and I knelt down and played with the tile for moment to figure out if I liked that pattern. This little ADHD moment was actually a little zen like. I was calmed from my overwhelmed state and may have made a decision on the tile. Then I carried on to this post right here.
It occurs to me, I may not be a normal person. Yeah I know you are shocked by this revelation, just as sarcastically as I. But, maybe this is my own defense system. When life gets me down or starts to overtake me, instead of trying to focus on everything all at once (an impossible task/burden) I focus on small things I can do at the moment and move from one of those to the next, making incremental changes in my wake. So, now I know more clearly, "hey, life is getting pretty big and scary, better just go do something productive to get your mind straight."
So, back to the job jar; my little sanity dispenser.
P.S. We are all supposed to be in the future as of 10/21. Pretty sweet eh? Where is my hoverboard and flying car though?