Topic Tuesday #170 2015/10/20 "Sanity Dispenser"

Topic Tuesday #170 2015/10/20 "Sanity Dispenser"

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Whew... That was weird. I was sitting at my kitchen counter, deleting apps from my phone since it was screwing up really bad, you know like ya do... then I had a moment. It was a fleeting moment but it was a staggering one, sobering even. I was momentarily overcome by the immensity of my life. I felt very small and overwhelmed. The walls came closing in as the hair on the back of my neck prickled and my ears felt hot. My breathing vacillated between holding my breath and nearly gasping hurriedly. I suppose this was the border of a panic attack. I have never had a panic attack before but I have had depression so when something in my personal eco system changes dramatically like this I take notice and analyze the hell out of it. I knew that I still needed to do this weekly post that you are reading now, and it occurred to me that I needed to write about this little glimpse of my own mindset. I went to get a keyboard for my tablet as I'm being weird and avoiding my desktop and laptop for a little while just working mobile (just because, no real reason). While I got the keyboard I saw the bathroom renovation that has been my bane for the last year and I knelt down and played with the tile for moment to figure out if I liked that pattern. This little ADHD moment was actually a little zen like. I was calmed from my overwhelmed state and may have made a decision on the tile. Then I carried on to this post right here.

It occurs to me, I may not be a normal person. Yeah I know you are shocked by this revelation, just as sarcastically as I. But, maybe this is my own defense system. When life gets me down or starts to overtake me, instead of trying to focus on everything all at once (an impossible task/burden) I focus on small things I can do at the moment and move from one of those to the next, making incremental changes in my wake. So, now I know more clearly, "hey, life is getting pretty big and scary, better just go do something productive to get your mind straight."
So, back to the job jar; my little sanity dispenser.

Stolen from http://www.lightbulbbooks.com/blog/2013/11/job-jar-for-tots/

P.S. We are all supposed to be in the future as of 10/21. Pretty sweet eh? Where is my hoverboard and flying car though?

Topic Tuesday #166 2015/09/22 "Beds"

Topic Tuesday #166 2015/09/22 "Beds"

Beds. Unless you are a wandering nomad that sleeps in odd places like park benches and bed rolls, there’s a really good chance you sleep in a bed. If you are human, then it is also likely you will spend about a third of your life sleeping in a bed. There is also a good chance you will spend even more, shall we say, recreational time in that bed, you know… watching movies or something…  After over a decade of experience in beds and bed activities... I have some advice for you on bed selection for those that may be in the market for something comfortable. This is practical advice, and not meant to be intentionally funny, though many things done in the bed are quite abstractly funny.

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Size Matters: When you are little you have a crib, and eventually graduate to a big kid bed and then that twin follows you for a long time. You may be sleeping on a twin for the majority of your life between youth and old age and life circumstances in between. There is nothing wrong with a twin, if you are sleeping solo or with a small coterie of pets. When you are entertaining a guest a larger size becomes far more comfortable. If you are both twigs, then you can stay on the twin, but for average adults, you will want a bigger mattress. Heck if you become an average adult you may want to sleep on a larger bed too, such as a “Full” or a “Double”. If you are tall or like pillows, then there are longer mattresses available in the “XL” and “California” varieties. Once you consider a regular sleeping companion you have to also consider the sleeping accommodations of said companion. The industry suggests Queen and King for bed sharing, though I personally have an opinion on that which I will address shortly.

Costly Decisions: Let’s face it, a bed is an investment. They frames are expensive and often belong to an even more expensive bedroom set. A high quality mattress is several hundred to over a thousand dollars. Given this sunk cost it has an inertia that is difficult to overcome. If you get the wrong bed you are locked into all the accouterments of that size until you sink the cost again on another size category. The accumulation of accessories can be maddening if you are just getting started. At the very least, you will need at least one pillowcase, a fitted sheet and a blanket. Most people will also get a flat sheet and a bed skirt. You may also have a comforter or duvet and enough decorative pillows to populate a Pier One store... You can drop a lot of cash just on these size specific items. And keep in mind that the average bed will be with you for 10 years, by which time, you will want it gone, in a big way. They end up heavier at the end of their life than when you get them; I’ll let you figure out why, but I will say it is disgusting.

Type Of Mattress: There are also a wide array of different types of mattress. There are your basic innerspring bed. There are memory foam, Sleep Number™, adjustable (hospital), water bed, and so many pillow top variants that your head will spin. Then there are the foundations that go along with these. The most common are the box spring and the wooden slat or some combination thereof. I have seen trampoline styles and plain old hard solid bases (which could be good for those that need a firm bed), but those are usually specific to the bed frame. I won’t bother too much with frame types and styles because they are legion.

Take a-ways and life advice: Get a queen. Get a basic mattress from a place like Ikea, something that seems pretty comfy but is not too soft. When you lay on it in the store, check the foundation setup they have arranged and do your best to replicate it. Go for harder if you can and your back will thank you later as the bed is broken in and becomes softer than you expected it to be.
Pillow tops are nice and all but let’s be frank, when you are engaging in activities other than sleep, the mattress and frame are going to take some stress. A pillow top will shift under you some, not like a water bed, but I think you get the point, and if you don’t - go find out.

Why not a king? or a Sleep Number? From a financial consideration, king size lives up to the name and everything costs more. Even the pillows are bigger! Bigger is not necessarily better. A king size mattress will take up about 40 sqft. and a queen will take up 33.3 sqft. In an apartment or older home not designed for enormous bedroom sets, that matters a lot.
Now… those are major concerns, but… here is the hard truth that I have discovered: When you are with a partner for a long time, there will be a natural tendency to drift apart. A king size bed is too big and will make that drifting so casual that you won’t realize it until it may be too late. (Not the bed’s fault, but in a intimate setting distance does nothing to help remind you of any commitments you have made and make it very easy to become roommates. Similar sleep schedules would also be a wise habit.)
With “select a firmness” mattress systems, they are great for your health but when it comes time to have some fun, you have to be careful or you will tumble awkwardly into the less firm side or straddle the weird foam bolster in between the chambers. At least with the fully adjustable hospital style beds, you can make both sides go flat, just mind the gap. Seriously, humans do not need amorous activity to be any more awkward than it already is and I cannot recommend beds that keep partners more apart than is necessary. Having children and pets, I know that I can sleep on about 18 inches of mattress while the other  52 inches is taken up by the toddler who had a bad dream. One caveat, if you want to co-sleep with your new born children, then you will have plenty of room in the king, but you can still get away with the queen, so save the money and buy some diapers.

What do you think about the big old grown up bed?

Topic Tuesday #162 2015/08/25 "Musings on Transience and the Meaning of Life"

Topic Tuesday #162 2015/08/25 "Musings on Transience and the Meaning of Life"

Greetings readers. My brain seems to be short on contemplativeness this evening, so I will bring up one that tends to haunt me. Transience. 

As a human being, it seems in our nature to want to make things that last beyond us. We are all inherently afraid to die. The psychology behind this need to continue existing is long and extensive and fairly well understood academically. It stems from the basic self preservation instinct that exists in all living things. Live as long as you can to continue the species. We have our big brains to out think our biology and we can consciously choose to not produce offspring, but I have to wonder if that choice is enough. Perhaps our subconscious will always spur us forward to make something that will outlast our own pathetic life spans. Perhaps the more artistic types will give birth to a painting, novel, sculpture, a piece of music, even a simple poem. The more technical minded may create empires of technology; stone, steel, silicon. Others will create businesses that may do nothing but perpetuate themselves, constantly reinventing themselves to adjust to market forces. It seems that as a human, we are driven to create a legacy of some type, be it biological, intellectual, or something firmly tangible. 

There seems to be another component to this inborn trait: we can never really stop. We are so programmed that we will always create something. We can't help it, and perhaps those that do have the self control to say enough is enough are the broken ones, as the vast majority can never relent.

So, I often sit and ponder my legacy. I write this blog every Tuesday, as a kind of legacy; one for my daughters to read through when they are old enough to be on their own but still need to listen to their dad drone on about this or that in hopes of imparting some tidbit of helpful insight into our human condition. I still have a lot to do, and often I feel stifled. I want to write that great american novel. I want to build my dream house. I want to travel the world to see it all. I want to play though that video game and binge watch all the popular TV and movies I have collected. I have issues... I have to eat. I have mouths to feed. I have responsibilities. So my desires to curtail my own transience on the good Earth, are held in limbo among other cognitively dissonant conundrums. Metaphorically, I am on hold - doodling on the corner of an envelope, wishing I were somewhere else doing something else, while the voice of my father rings in the back of my mind.

"Be present. Be here. Here is all there is. Find happiness in the moment, for the moment will never come again."

So I smile. I listen to the hold music and feel the fan's discordant buffeting against my face. It feels good, like the physical expression of white noise. I clear my mind. I take stock. Life is pretty good when you slow down to realize you are alive and amidst a great number of perfectly improbable things. Live in the now with the aim at a better tomorrow, for yourself and others. That is your legacy, and mine.  

Topic Tuesday #149 2015/05/26 "Expectations"

Topic Tuesday #149 2015/05/26 "Expectations"

Look, I was promised flying cars and moon bases, okay..? I have a thing or two to say about expectations versus reality (as does everyone currently alive), but as I like to have a special relationship with reality by respecting it exists, I have lowered my aspirations to meet it. 

Recently a friend has had a run in with the intersection of reality and expectations at the crossroads where they diverge. It's hard on him to square this new aspect of reality to his pre-existing one. This is leading to a great deal of existential angst. I completely understand how it can be painful as I would wager we have all been disillusioned, of certain notions or had our noses rubbed in an unpleasant reality, from time to time. Be that as it may, reality doesn't care what we think of it. The universe, for all its wonders, is apathetic to its inhabitants. That quantum foam and fundamental forces don't care about what they look like on a macro scale is humbling. 

Long ago (in a galaxy not so far away), this revelation hit me pretty hard; it had ramifications and implications that my little mind had to grow to accept. This is my story and your milage may vary. I had to accept that there wasn't a guiding force behind me. That beyond my tribe, no one was going to care if I lived or died, succeeded or failed, lived up to expectations - or not. I was pretty much on my own in this big uncaring universe. It was up to me to be remembered or time would certainly forget me. The old saying goes, "Make hay while the sun shines." That seems appropriate a metaphor for life spent making legacies.  

Now, let's be plain, I care a great deal about what my friends and whatever they are going through. My path is my own and I can not profess any special knowledge as to how all this works, only what I have found works for me. If you find that spirituality, religion, mysticism, folk remedies, chakra alignment of your subluxation energy aura something or other, works for you - That's grand! HOWEVER - I have a request. Please make sure your views have a strong basis in reality. Believe as many factual things and as few false things as possible. You are less likely to suffer the heartache of realizing that Santa is not going to bring your flying car so you can spend Christmas on the Moon, and more likely to build it yourself.

Topic Tuesday #133 - 2015/02/03 "Going With The Flow"

Topic Tuesday #133 - 2015/02/03 "Going With The Flow"

Sometimes the universe lines up just right where all the cogs seem to fit and you can accomplish a great many things. Sometimes not all those things are good. I had one of those days today. It started with a phone call. Something good happened and I didn't need to be where I thought I ought to. Then another call and I had to go someplace else, pick something up that would require something at home. While at home, the door bell rings and it is the drain guy to clear the pipes. How fortuitous I was home. He proceeds to break through the bottom of a clean out, charges us for the drain he snaked that didn't break and left us with a hole in the foundation to throw money into.

yeah... That's the pipe. Bastard. 

Then I was off to the doctor with my kid, and then to ice cream because they were good, then somewhere that took plastic because no one carries cash anymore -except that place- and then to the X-Rays, and then to get dinner, because the kitchen drain is attached to the line that was earlier broken. 

There was more in there, but needless to say, everything lined up perfectly. Not a perfect day, but there was something magical about the flow of it all -even if some of it sucked. 

So, today's topic is a word of advice, sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Enjoy the ride everyone!

Topic Tuesday #125 2014/12/09 - "Cleaning House"

Topic Tuesday #125 2014/12/09 - "Cleaning House"

There are some days no one wants to fold laundry, much less get it from seemingly all corners of the house and under the beds... and that chair in the living room... and the car... really how do they do it? Anyway... No one wants to always do these things and I would be willing to bet we have all let the piles mound up. I'm not saying I've done this, but sometimes it's less effort to just buy a change of clothes. That said, once in a while, when you feel that funk start to seep into the core of your being, you just have to bite the bullet and clean up, in earnest. 

Today was an odd day at home waiting for the phone to ring and other shoes to proverbially drop. I decided a nap was a poor use of time, though desired all the same. With no interruptions... I could get some serious work done! I cleaned. I moved furniture. I dusted. I am still doing laundry. I folded and put away more things than I knew I had. The bed is made, the lamp shades and pictures straightened. All in all, the place looks like Someone else lives there. I like it. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I have the pride of a job well done. I know where everything is, and hopefully it is in a better place than when I started. My feng has been shui-ed.  Certainly some piles were moved and not sorted, but at least they are closer to, or in the place they belong.

As all parents know, life is a work in progress, and houses are meant to be lived in. I will always be fighting the entropy of chaos within my walls, but today was a good day.

Topic Tuesday #119 2014/10/28 "Perception As Reality"

Topic Tuesday #119 2014/10/28 "Perception As Reality"

We are amazing. Seriously. Think about your reality. What are you? No matter what your ultimate belief your reality is a marvel. Check this out, and bear with me. 

In the macroscopic view our solar system is orbiting the center of a galaxy that is also spinning around a galactic center. Inside our own star system, our relatively small planet has a thin atmosphere of various gasses and trace minerals. The biosphere that supports the only known life in the universe at this time, is equivalent to the skin of an apple. That peel is just as thick. Below that, it's too hot, perhaps for all but the most extreme forms of life. Above that, there are no nutrients to support life, as we know it. As we continue to draw closer to our own existence in between the "Macro" and the "Micro",  as we exist on what amounts to be a biological spaceship, we are little more than biological robots. I know that sounds odd, but it is a mater of perception. We only experience life through an interpretation of our senses. Sight is processed by our brains, and then interpreted and given meaning by our collected experiences. The same as our other sensations. If we stub our toe on a coffee table in the dark, though it may seem instantaneous, our nervous system still has a speed limit. The strike takes time to make its merry way along our cells to our brains to then be interpreted as "Pain" and then our brains react and send the response back to our motor neurons to yank your foot away from the offending furniture, and begin our slapstick dance around the room while stifling an expletive.

Everything you always wanted to know about sex by Woody Allen

Our consciousness is the captain of a biological spaceship navigating middle earth and middle management. Neuroscience and biology have settled on (for the moment) that consciousness is an emerging property of our brain's architecture. If we alter our neuro-chemistry, our reality changes. LSD, PCP, Marijuana, Peyote, Caffeine, Oxygen Deprivation, Sedatives, Uppers, Opiates, Love, Genetics, Brain Damage... All these things and more change our perception of reality.  In the end, we are only as effective as our information, and all we are is the information we obtain from our senses. Our interpretation of the data is our reactions and feelings and thoughts, and everything that we represent, all that we are.

I like to make an attempt to believe as many true things and as few wrong things as possible. To do that, I have to question reality, and in turn, my perceptions. In this respect, I am ever changeable and changing. I will change my mind based on new input, both good and bad. I hope that everyone does. Keep learning. Keep questioning. Never give up. Keep your hailing frequencies open.

Helm, all ahead full, and watch out for that coffee table.