Topic Tuesday #170 2015/10/20 "Sanity Dispenser"

Topic Tuesday #170 2015/10/20 "Sanity Dispenser"

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Whew... That was weird. I was sitting at my kitchen counter, deleting apps from my phone since it was screwing up really bad, you know like ya do... then I had a moment. It was a fleeting moment but it was a staggering one, sobering even. I was momentarily overcome by the immensity of my life. I felt very small and overwhelmed. The walls came closing in as the hair on the back of my neck prickled and my ears felt hot. My breathing vacillated between holding my breath and nearly gasping hurriedly. I suppose this was the border of a panic attack. I have never had a panic attack before but I have had depression so when something in my personal eco system changes dramatically like this I take notice and analyze the hell out of it. I knew that I still needed to do this weekly post that you are reading now, and it occurred to me that I needed to write about this little glimpse of my own mindset. I went to get a keyboard for my tablet as I'm being weird and avoiding my desktop and laptop for a little while just working mobile (just because, no real reason). While I got the keyboard I saw the bathroom renovation that has been my bane for the last year and I knelt down and played with the tile for moment to figure out if I liked that pattern. This little ADHD moment was actually a little zen like. I was calmed from my overwhelmed state and may have made a decision on the tile. Then I carried on to this post right here.

It occurs to me, I may not be a normal person. Yeah I know you are shocked by this revelation, just as sarcastically as I. But, maybe this is my own defense system. When life gets me down or starts to overtake me, instead of trying to focus on everything all at once (an impossible task/burden) I focus on small things I can do at the moment and move from one of those to the next, making incremental changes in my wake. So, now I know more clearly, "hey, life is getting pretty big and scary, better just go do something productive to get your mind straight."
So, back to the job jar; my little sanity dispenser.

Stolen from http://www.lightbulbbooks.com/blog/2013/11/job-jar-for-tots/

P.S. We are all supposed to be in the future as of 10/21. Pretty sweet eh? Where is my hoverboard and flying car though?

Topic Tuesday #166 2015/09/22 "Beds"

Topic Tuesday #166 2015/09/22 "Beds"

Beds. Unless you are a wandering nomad that sleeps in odd places like park benches and bed rolls, there’s a really good chance you sleep in a bed. If you are human, then it is also likely you will spend about a third of your life sleeping in a bed. There is also a good chance you will spend even more, shall we say, recreational time in that bed, you know… watching movies or something…  After over a decade of experience in beds and bed activities... I have some advice for you on bed selection for those that may be in the market for something comfortable. This is practical advice, and not meant to be intentionally funny, though many things done in the bed are quite abstractly funny.

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Size Matters: When you are little you have a crib, and eventually graduate to a big kid bed and then that twin follows you for a long time. You may be sleeping on a twin for the majority of your life between youth and old age and life circumstances in between. There is nothing wrong with a twin, if you are sleeping solo or with a small coterie of pets. When you are entertaining a guest a larger size becomes far more comfortable. If you are both twigs, then you can stay on the twin, but for average adults, you will want a bigger mattress. Heck if you become an average adult you may want to sleep on a larger bed too, such as a “Full” or a “Double”. If you are tall or like pillows, then there are longer mattresses available in the “XL” and “California” varieties. Once you consider a regular sleeping companion you have to also consider the sleeping accommodations of said companion. The industry suggests Queen and King for bed sharing, though I personally have an opinion on that which I will address shortly.

Costly Decisions: Let’s face it, a bed is an investment. They frames are expensive and often belong to an even more expensive bedroom set. A high quality mattress is several hundred to over a thousand dollars. Given this sunk cost it has an inertia that is difficult to overcome. If you get the wrong bed you are locked into all the accouterments of that size until you sink the cost again on another size category. The accumulation of accessories can be maddening if you are just getting started. At the very least, you will need at least one pillowcase, a fitted sheet and a blanket. Most people will also get a flat sheet and a bed skirt. You may also have a comforter or duvet and enough decorative pillows to populate a Pier One store... You can drop a lot of cash just on these size specific items. And keep in mind that the average bed will be with you for 10 years, by which time, you will want it gone, in a big way. They end up heavier at the end of their life than when you get them; I’ll let you figure out why, but I will say it is disgusting.

Type Of Mattress: There are also a wide array of different types of mattress. There are your basic innerspring bed. There are memory foam, Sleep Number™, adjustable (hospital), water bed, and so many pillow top variants that your head will spin. Then there are the foundations that go along with these. The most common are the box spring and the wooden slat or some combination thereof. I have seen trampoline styles and plain old hard solid bases (which could be good for those that need a firm bed), but those are usually specific to the bed frame. I won’t bother too much with frame types and styles because they are legion.

Take a-ways and life advice: Get a queen. Get a basic mattress from a place like Ikea, something that seems pretty comfy but is not too soft. When you lay on it in the store, check the foundation setup they have arranged and do your best to replicate it. Go for harder if you can and your back will thank you later as the bed is broken in and becomes softer than you expected it to be.
Pillow tops are nice and all but let’s be frank, when you are engaging in activities other than sleep, the mattress and frame are going to take some stress. A pillow top will shift under you some, not like a water bed, but I think you get the point, and if you don’t - go find out.

Why not a king? or a Sleep Number? From a financial consideration, king size lives up to the name and everything costs more. Even the pillows are bigger! Bigger is not necessarily better. A king size mattress will take up about 40 sqft. and a queen will take up 33.3 sqft. In an apartment or older home not designed for enormous bedroom sets, that matters a lot.
Now… those are major concerns, but… here is the hard truth that I have discovered: When you are with a partner for a long time, there will be a natural tendency to drift apart. A king size bed is too big and will make that drifting so casual that you won’t realize it until it may be too late. (Not the bed’s fault, but in a intimate setting distance does nothing to help remind you of any commitments you have made and make it very easy to become roommates. Similar sleep schedules would also be a wise habit.)
With “select a firmness” mattress systems, they are great for your health but when it comes time to have some fun, you have to be careful or you will tumble awkwardly into the less firm side or straddle the weird foam bolster in between the chambers. At least with the fully adjustable hospital style beds, you can make both sides go flat, just mind the gap. Seriously, humans do not need amorous activity to be any more awkward than it already is and I cannot recommend beds that keep partners more apart than is necessary. Having children and pets, I know that I can sleep on about 18 inches of mattress while the other  52 inches is taken up by the toddler who had a bad dream. One caveat, if you want to co-sleep with your new born children, then you will have plenty of room in the king, but you can still get away with the queen, so save the money and buy some diapers.

What do you think about the big old grown up bed?

Topic Tuesday #164 2015/09/08 "Fear Pressure"

Topic Tuesday #164 2015/09/08 "Fear Pressure"

Today, one of my daughters came home with a sad story. She had been coerced into believing in God through her "friends" claims that if she didn't she would go to Hell, whatever that is. This is not informed consent, this is peer pressure and fear. It is despicable. 

For disclosure, I am an atheist, a secular humanist. a non-believer. I run a secular household. We don't pray. We don't attend church. This doesn't mean I keep my children sheltered from the concept of the super natural and gods and goddesses, far from. Once the question comes up, I have plenty of knowledge to share. I want them to have a strong knowledge of world religions so they are informed. I told her today, "You can believe in whatever religion you want, with one caveat. I want you to be able to explain to me why you do. I want you to know why you believe something." This concept is called epistemology, essentially, why you know what you know. 

I don't believe in any particular religious tradition, because I do not find any of them convincing. I have investigated almost all of them in more depth than the average church goer knows their holy text. I'm open to more knowledge, but I am not a blind believer and I require evidence for my beliefs. Facts serve us all rather well. 

So, I'm mad. I'm mad that little kids, under 10, would be afraid of a fairy tale place like Hell. That this would be the stick to the carrot of Heaven. I have a great distaste for indoctrination, and especially before the age of reason. You don't threaten a child with eternal torment! What kind of monster would do that?

Of course... there is the flip side. Let's assume that the majority regionally followed faith tradition is true. Is 100% correct.  Then the followers would be doing a great wrong to others by not sharing the good news. I understand that. I understand that proselytizing is the right thing to do for the true believer. I also understand that I should be stoned to death for speaking against it.  There are a great number of things that if you are the true believer you would be arrested for should you follow the letter and spirit of your faith. The social contract that you have found yourselves to be a part of, along with pluralities of believers, does not allow you to fully unleash your righteous belief.  There are many things in your tradition that are unacceptable to modern life. 

I would like you to keep your fear to yourselves. Think of the nightmares that can be caused by telling a child they are going to hell... Let them figure it out for themselves. If your religion is worthy, you have nothing to worry about. If it is not, perhaps you've been sold someone else's fear.

Topic Tuesday #160 2015/08/11 "First Day Of School"

Topic Tuesday #160 2015/08/11 "First Day Of School"

It is that time again. Back to school. My oldest will be going into second grade tomorrow and her little sister will be going in Thursday for an evaluation and starts kindergarten next Monday. I have spent the last several hours gathering and labeling and sorting school supplies for each of them. It was a lot of stuff! I'll have to drop some of it off with the teachers personally so they don't have to lug reams of paper and other sundry goods. See, the school board, no matter what school you are a part of, doesn't buy enough supplies for the teachers. Invariably they will be forced to dip into their own pockets to provide for the children. This is terrible and we should feel ashamed that we don't treat our teachers better. They are crucial to the kind of people we grow up to be. They empower us with knowledge. They love us. In return we don't pay them enough and treat them like they are glorified babysitters that ask the children to do too much homework and ask the parents to subsidize the education by sending in supplied for the whole class! Whoop ti do... 

Parents, Get over it and support your teachers. If you are strapped for cash and barely have enough to keep the youngster with a roof over their head, swallow your pride and tell the teacher what your situation is. It will help them understand the child and better respond to what is needed, and they will understand if you simply can't help more. Communication is key. 

Teachers, send home those progress notes. Let us know how they are doing and what you need from us to help. Email us, call us, whatever you have time for. There are parents that care about how things are going and want to know. You will never know if you don't reach out. It could mean a lot. 

Enough of all this, I have to pack some tissue for when I send my babies back to school.  

Topic Tuesday #133 - 2015/02/03 "Going With The Flow"

Topic Tuesday #133 - 2015/02/03 "Going With The Flow"

Sometimes the universe lines up just right where all the cogs seem to fit and you can accomplish a great many things. Sometimes not all those things are good. I had one of those days today. It started with a phone call. Something good happened and I didn't need to be where I thought I ought to. Then another call and I had to go someplace else, pick something up that would require something at home. While at home, the door bell rings and it is the drain guy to clear the pipes. How fortuitous I was home. He proceeds to break through the bottom of a clean out, charges us for the drain he snaked that didn't break and left us with a hole in the foundation to throw money into.

yeah... That's the pipe. Bastard. 

Then I was off to the doctor with my kid, and then to ice cream because they were good, then somewhere that took plastic because no one carries cash anymore -except that place- and then to the X-Rays, and then to get dinner, because the kitchen drain is attached to the line that was earlier broken. 

There was more in there, but needless to say, everything lined up perfectly. Not a perfect day, but there was something magical about the flow of it all -even if some of it sucked. 

So, today's topic is a word of advice, sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Enjoy the ride everyone!

Topic Tuesday #116 2014/10/07 "Common Core”

Topic Tuesday #116 2014/10/07 "Common Core”

Today was my first grader's parent/teacher conference. We talked about the usual about how they were doing, what they were learning and what the obvious obstacles were that had to be overcome. there was an underlying note of frustration from the teacher, but not with my child, or even me. This year she has been dealing with the aftermath of a promise that has not been upheld by her administrators. She was told that "common core would be less broad but more detailed" in it's approach. That she would be diving deeper on certain topics and not broaching others. That was partially true. She is diving much deeper on subjects with first graders than she ever has before, and she has been teaching more broadly also. The work load this poor woman has had to undertake to make this program work is monumental. Most K-12 educators already are famous for working LONG hours. This teacher was at school well before 7AM and wasn't likely to leave until it was time for dinner. I'm thinking a 12 hour day. Everyday. 

Now I am not a luddite, I want new things to be tried. However... I have noticed in my years, and even when I was in k-12 myself as a student that the School Board has a long history of not letting a program run its course to determine if it actually works or not. There is already more talk about scrapping this curriculum than many before it, and we are just a few months in. And I can see why.

Common Core seeks to build a more robust and in depth understanding of educational concepts from the beginning. The program is intended to smooth the path to college by making the knowledge gap between college level courses more equitable. Florida has partnered with American Institutes for Research to build the Common Core curriculum as laid out by the national math, language arts and literacy standards. This is great if it is well balanced and starts at the earliest grades and builds through the education path.

I'm not seeing the implementation as having the right fit, yet. The demands on our young kids are pretty severe and in turn the teachers that are expected to make it work are even worse. How do you teach a child a math problem that is all words when the child hasn't learned to read well enough to get through the question? How do you expect an enormous vocabulary of reading and writing that balloons weekly when the kids who are losing all their baby teeth are having trouble with certain sound combinations? It's frustrating, and kids this age have enough problems with frustration without setting them up for failure. 

I am willing to see this through, as I see the underpinnings are teaching not what to think as much as how to think about what they are learning. That is wonderful. My fear is that this will be scrapped and the progress that has been made will be stymied by another dramatic shift in how we are expecting to teach, and how we are expected to learn. Children need stability, and I wish someone would see that as best for the children and implement changes for an entire "crop" of kids. Starting at Kindergarten, make that education method the same through 12th. If there is a change in the method, address it with the next year's Kindergarteners and watch it go. Though there are many arguments against this approach, and rightly so, I would greatly like to see what happens if a plan is allowed to work from beginning to end...